Sitting on a donut

So I just know everyone is waiting for my colonoscopy report. Well, let's start from the beginning.

My PCP, Dr. Zaidi, has been after me to have a colonoscopy for a couple years now. I delayed as long as I reasonably could, but with the big 5-0 encroaching, the time had finally arrived. Mind you, it isn't as if I'm having symptoms of any problems, just that what with the breast cancer and the RA and all the drugs I take to keep things under control, I'm evidently in a slightly higher risk group for problems. So I got scheduled for this past Monday.

That meant no food on Sunday, at all. I'm sorry, Jello just doesn't count as food, and you can't have any red Jello, or any liquid with color at all. That leaves you with water, clear sodas (and I'm not much of a soda drinker), and water. I decided to cheat a little and had my usual two cups of coffee first thing in the morning (coffee is a diarrhetic, right?), but after that, nada. As if that isn't bad enough, you have to take laxatives. When they tell you to plan to stay home the day before, they mean it. About an hour after the first dose (yep, you take this stuff twice), my regular trips to the toilet began. By regular, I mean every five minutes for about three hours. Then, just when you think you might get ten minutes off, you have to take dose two. Not that there is anything left in your colon by now, but by god, you will pass a lot of water. Your bladder will be dry as a bone, because every drop comes out the back. There's a picture for you.

My colonoscopy was scheduled for 8:30am, so my first diarrhetic was taken at 4:30pm, and the second at 8pm. Next time I have this done, I will take that first one earlier in the afternoon. The day is shot anyway, and I don't need to be up until 1am running into the bathroom. Once you are empty, you're empty; it isn't like you'll be eating anything anyway.

PopPop thought this business of racing off to the bathroom was quite funny. The jokes on him, because his colonoscopy is coming up on the 25th.

The procedure itself is nothing. You get sedated to the point of unconsciousness, so you aren't aware of anything going in. I was awake enough during the procedure to ask questions and watch the tv screen, which was pretty interesting. When the doctor found a small polyp, he burned it off and collected a sample to send off for a biopsy. I don't remember seeing the nurse during all of this. I suspect they let you wake up a little, and as long as you don't freak out you can watch and ask questions. But since I also don't remember anything being pulled out, I think she must have been standing at the IV and knocked me out again before it was over. It's all kind of a blur. I don't remember being wheeled into post-op, but I woke up quickly and was happy to get some cranberry juice. Nice how they'll let you have the red stuff *after* the fact. I even managed to get someone else's cranberry juice. The nurse forgot that he had promised to get a cup for another patient and gave it to me. Once I had it in my hand, what could he do? LOL!

If you have a perfect asshole, I suppose the next couple days are just like any other day. However, if you have even one hemorrhoid, get out the donut. You'll need it.

I'll get the biopsy result early next week. I'm not concerned, being pre-disastered.